PERSONALITY POSITIVE
- Honest
- Caring
- Loyal
- Smart
- Patient
-Kind
-Loving
| NEGATIVE
- Stubborn
- Hard-headed
- Rash
- Argumentative (Doesn't like to be told what to do)
- Defensive
-Forgives easily but does not forget.
-Defensive
|
History MY NAME IS LILY JUNE EVANS, I'M THE DAUGHTER OF VICTOR AND PATRICIA EVANS. I HAVE AN OLDER SISTER BY THREE YEARS, NAMED PETUNIA ROSE EVANS. PETUNIA'S NAME CAME FROM MOM'S FAVORITE FLOWER, ROSE AFTER MY FATHER'S MOM AND EVANS, WELL BECAUSE THAT'S HER SURNAME. AS FAR AS MY NAME IS CONCERNED, LILY CAME FROM THE FIRST FLOWER THAT MY FATHER EVER GAVE MY MOTHER. JUNE, FOR MY MOTHER'S MOM, AND AGAIN EVANS BECAUSE THAT'S THE SURNAME.
FOR THE FIRST FIVE YEARS MY LIFE WAS PEACEFUL. MY SISTER AND I GOT ALONG GREAT. WE DID THINGS THAT TWO ORDINARY LITTLE GIRLS WOULD. WE DANCED, WE PLAYED, SANG. ANYTHING THAT MADE US HAPPY. WE KEPT EACH OTHER'S SECRETS, AND PLAYED JOKES ON OUR FATHER. WE ALSO COOKED WITH MOM'S SUPERVISION IN THE KITCHEN. I MOSTLY JUST WATCHED AT THIS AGE, THOUGH SHE DID LET ME SEASON THE FOOD, WHEREAS TUNEY GOT A BIGGER JOB BUT I WAS FINE WITH THAT. MOM TAUGHT US MANY RECIPES THAT WERE HANDED DOWN FROM BOTH HER MOM AND FATHER'S.
THINGS STAYED THIS WAY UP UNTIL I WAS NINE. IT WAS SHORTLY AFTER MY NINTH BIRTHDAY THAT THINGS STARTED TO BE A BIT--WELL OFF. I'D ALWAYS IMAGINED DOING THINGS, BUT THEN ONE DAY I HAD WALKED INTO THE PARK. I'D NOT BEEN THERE LONG WHEN MY SISTER FOUND ME. I DON'T KNOW HOW AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I CONJURED A FLOWER IN MY HAND. IT WAS DURING THIS BRIEF MOMENT THAT A BOY CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. TELLING ME HOW MY SISTER WAS JEALOUS. I'D SEEN HIM BEFORE, HIS NAME WAS SEVERUS. THOUGH, IT WASN'T UNTIL THAT MOMENT THAT HE REVEALED TO ME EXACTLY WHAT WAS HAPPENING. HOW I WAS A WITCH AND HOW I WAS DIFFERENT FROM MY SISTER. THAT MY SISTER WAS WHAT ONE CALLED A "MUGGLE." I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE TERMINOLOGY AT FIRST.
HE EXPLAINED THAT IT WAS A TERM FOR NON-MAGICAL FOLK. HE SPOKE ABOUT THIS SCHOOL FOR THOSE LIKE US, WITCHES AND WIZARDS. HOW IT WAS CALLED HOGWARTS AND THAT WE'D GO WHEN WE WERE ELEVEN. I WAS CURIOUS. BUT, IT SEEMED THE CLOSER THAT I GOT TO SEVERUS, THE MORE DISTANT THAT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SISTER BECAME. I HATED IT. HOW COULD MY SISTER EXPECT ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER AND MY NEW FRIEND? I'D NEVER ASKED HER TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT. NOR WOULD I. I WOULDN'T EXPECT MY SISTER TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ME AND HER FRIENDS, SO I WAS HURT THAT SHE WOULD DO THAT TO ME. OF COURSE SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE IN MAGIC. EVEN WHEN SHE SAW IT FOR HERSELF. I TRIED OF COURSE TO TELL HER THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW, I DIDN'T KNOW WHY BUT I DID IT. SHE WOULD GO ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE WITHOUT ME NOW. SHE NO LONGER ASKED IF I WANTED TO ACCOMPANY HER. I WAS LOST WITHOUT MY BIG SISTER. SHE ACTED LIKE I DIDN'T EXIST. OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS SO STRAINED THAT IT WAS HARD FOR US TO EVEN SIT AT THE KITCHEN TABLE AT THE SAME TIME.
SHORTLY AFTER MY ELEVENTH BIRTHDAY I RECEIVED A VISIT FROM AN INDIVIDUAL THAT WORKED AT THE SCHOOL THAT SEVERUS HAD ALWAYS TOLD ME ABOUT. HOGWARTS. THEY PERSONALLY HANDED ME THE LETTER SAYING I WAS ACCEPTED. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. IT WAS REAL. EVERY LITTLE BIT OF IT. I ALWAYS THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS JUST SOME KIND OF DREAM AND THAT I'D WAKE UP AND IT WASN'T GOING TO BE REAL. BUT REALIZING THAT IT WASN'T A DREAM WAS BRILLIANT. I WAS EXCITED. EVEN THOUGH SEEING THE LOOK ON MY SISTER'S FACE WAS--HEARTBREAKING. IT WAS LIKE WATCHING THE LIGHT LEAVE SOMEONE'S EYES.
IN THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED MY SISTER WORKED TIRELESSLY OF TRYING TO WRITE THE PERFECT LETTER TO THE HEADMASTER OF THE SCHOOL I WAS ALLOWED TO JOIN. AND, WHILE THE HEADMASTER, PROFESSOR ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, WAS KIND IN HIS RESPONSE, IT WASN'T WHAT MY SISTER WANTED OR DESIRED TO HEAR. IT MADE OUR ALREADY FRAGILE RELATIONSHIP DETERIORATE EVEN MORE. WHICH MADE THE FIRST DAY OF SEPTEMBER OF THAT YEAR ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. SURE I'D HAD TO GO ALONG WITH SEVERUS AND HIS MUM TO COLLECT SCHOOL SUPPLIES BUT, I'D BEEN SO NERVOUS. I HADN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP THE NIGHT BEFORE. I PROMISED BOTH MUM AND FATHER THAT I'D WRITE. TUNEY--SHE WOULDN'T EVEN ACCOMPANY US TO THE TRAIN AT KING'S CROSS. NO, SHE HAD MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO. BUT THAT WAS SLIGHTLY OKAY GIVEN WE DIDN'T EXACTLY LEAVE THINGS ON GOOD TERMS. HER SAYING THAT I WAS A FREAK DIDN'T HELP.
I WAS HEARTBROKEN. TO SEE SOMEONE THAT WAS ONCE MY LIFE-LINE SUDDENLY NOT BE THERE, WAS CRUSHING. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST MOMENT THAT THE TRAIN DEPARTED FROM KING'S CROSS, HOW WE VENTURED ACROSS THE TERRAIN, AND THE BEAUTIFUL SCENERY. YET, PULLING UP TO THE FRONT OF WHAT WOULD EASILY BE CALLED HOGWARTS. THE SCENERY SURROUNDING IT, ONE MIGHT BELIEVE CAME RIGHT OUT OF A FAIRY TALE BOOK. I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS SEEING. PURE JOY WAS ALL THAT I FELT. YET, NERVOUS AS WELL.
OF COURSE, I'D BEEN IN THE SAME TRAIN COMPARTMENT AS SEVERUS. WE WALKED NEXT TO EACH OTHER AS WE WOULD SOON BOARD THE BOATS THAT WOULD ACTUALLY TAKE US TO THE CASTLE. IT WAS ENCHANTING. I LOOKED FORWARD TO WHAT THE NEXT SEVEN YEARS WOULD HOLD BUT FIRST WOULD COME THE SORTING CEREMONY. ENTERING THE HOGWARTS CASTLE, I WAS AMAZED. IT WAS LIKE EVERYTHING I HAD EVER DREAMED OF IT BEING AND SO MUCH MORE. IT WAS BRILLIANT, BUT STANDING THERE NEXT TO SEVERUS I HOPED AND PRAYED THAT WE WOULDN'T BE SEPARATED GIVEN THE FACT THAT HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I KNEW. OF COURSE THERE WERE OTHERS I'D SEEN ON THE TRAIN. AND ONE BY ONE, A WOMAN CALLED OUT NAMES UNTIL IT REACHED MINE.
"LILY EVANS."
I REMEMBER MY NAME BEING CALLED. I WAS ANXIOUS. SO I WALKED UP TO THIS LITTLE STOOL WHERE A WOMAN WAS STANDING. I SAT THERE BRIEFLY AS THIS "SORTING HAT" CAME ONTO MY HEAD. AND FOR A FEW MOMENTS IT DELIBERATED, UNSURE WHETHER TO PLACE ME IN EITHER RAVENCLAW OR GRYFFINDOR, ULTIMATELY SETTLING ON GRYFFINDOR. JOINING MY HOUSE, I WAS EXCITED.
CLASSES WERE GOOD. CHALLENGING IN THEIR OWN WAY, BUT GOOD NEVERTHELESS. NOW, OF COURSE, I MISSED MY FAMILY. I MISSED THE FOOD, THE WAY MY MUM WOULD CALL MY NAME AS I'D COME INTO THE HOUSE. HOW MY SISTER WOULD GREET ME WITH OPEN ARMS. BUT I KNEW, I KNEW THAT WAS ALL BUT OVER. SHE'D MADE THAT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR WHEN I'D LEFT. MUM AND FATHER WOULD WRITE LITTLE LETTERS AND SEND THEM WITH THE OWLS THAT CAME WITH MY LETTERS. WHICH I'M SURE GAVE THEM PLENTY OF FUNNY LOOKS FROM THE NEIGHBORS. NOT THAT IT EVER AFFECTED THEM, OR IF IT DID, THEY NEVER SAID ANYTHING.
EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN MY FIRST YEAR SEEMED TO HAPPEN IN A BLUR. I ENJOYED MY CLASSES, AND EVEN GOT USED TO THE FOOD THERE. I ENJOYED SEVERUS' COMPANY DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE WERE IN DIFFERENT HOUSES. IT DISTANCED OUR FRIENDSHIP BUT WE STILL WERE CLOSER THAN ANYONE COULD HAVE IMAGINED. I OFTEN FOUND MYSELF RUNNING INTO A CERTAIN LOT, FOUR BOYS IN MY YEAR, AND IN MY HOUSE THAT LIKED TO PICK ON SEVERUS. THEIR NAMES WERE SIRIUS, JAMES, REMUS AND PETER. ALTHOUGH SIRIUS AND JAMES WERE THE MAIN ONES TO ANTAGONIZE HIM. REMUS JUST KIND OF STOOD THERE AND ALLOWED IT IN ITS WAY, BUT DIDN'T CONTRIBUTE AND PETER DID WHATEVER JAMES AND SIRIUS SAID.
I DEFENDED SEVERUS WHEN I FELT I NEEDED TO, NOT THAT I NEEDED TO OFTEN. I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HIM HURT. BUT BESIDES US NOT BEING IN THE SAME HOUSE, WE SPENT EVERY CHANCE WE COULD HANGING OUT. FROM BEFORE AND AFTER MEALS AND AFTER CLASSES TO SITTING NEXT TO ONE ANOTHER WHEN WE COULD. OUR BOND WAS STRONG STILL, AND I WAS GRATEFUL FOR THAT. ESPECIALLY WHEN ALL I FOUND MYSELF DOING WAS STOPPING SEVERUS AND THE QUADRUPLET IDIOTS FROM MY HOUSE, though I reluctantly count Remus as a part of it. Mainly just the other three, FROM DUELING AND USUALLY IT WAS TWO AGAINST ONE.
MAYBE I WAS WRONG FOR WANTING TO HELP. BUT I COULDN'T STAND SEEING MY BEST FRIEND IN HARM'S WAY. SO I STEPPED IN. AND WHILE I KNEW SEVERUS COULD HANDLE HIMSELF, I WENT IN IN AN EFFORT TO STOP THEM. IT WASN'T BECAUSE SEVERUS COULDN'T USE A WAND, OR THEY COULDN'T. BUT I KNEW WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEING TEAMED UP AGAINST AND I JUST WANTED TO ELEVATE THOSE ODDS. MY FIRST THOUGHT WHEN IT CAME TO THE BOYS PICKING ON SEVERUS WERE SLIGHT. I RESPECTED ONE MORE THAN THE OTHER THREE. REMUS WAS KIND, PETER A BIT ALOOF BUT HARMLESS. BUT SIRIUS? JAMES? THOSE TWO WERE BIG PRATS. I ENJOYED A GOOD PRANK AS MUCH AS ANYONE BUT I KNEW WHEN TO DRAW THE LINE.
DURING THE SUMMER BETWEEN MY FIRST AND SECOND YEAR, IT SEEMED TENSE, EVEN MORE SO THAN I COULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED. FATHER HAD ME OUT WITH HIM, HELPING IN THE YARD AND DOING WHAT HE COULD TO SPEND TIME WITH ME. WHILE MUM STAYED IN THE HOUSE WITH TUNEY. THEY TRIED TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE THERE WERE NO FAVORITES, WHICH WAS HOW IT SHOULD BE. THEY ALWAYS CLAIMED THERE WEREN'T ANY. THEY LOVED EACH OF US THE SAME. WHAT WAS HARD WAS WATCHING AS TUNEY KEPT HER DISTANCE. TO SPIT AND SPUTTER ANY TIME SHE HAD TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME. IT WAS LIKE I WAS A PLAGUE OR SOMETHING. HOW COULD MY SISTER BE SO COLD TOWARDS ME? I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HER.
RETURNING BACK TO HOGWARTS WAS GREAT. I FELT A LITTLE MORE AT EASE, MOSTLY BECAUSE I WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT MY SISTER WAS UPSET. I REALIZED THANKS TO A LITTLE HELP THAT I COULDN'T CONTROL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OR DO. SO I TOOK ON FOCUSING ON LEARNING WHAT I COULD. SEE IT WASN'T JUST IGNORING THE NAGGING FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH OVER MY 'BETRAYAL' WITH MY SISTER, OH NO, THERE WAS SOMETHING MUCH WORSE. PART OF IT HAD TO DO WITH SEVERUS. I WAS INCLINED TO PROTECT HIM. WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE THE WAY THAT I CARED ABOUT SEVERUS YOU DON'T JUST GIVE UP WITHOUT A FIGHT. I COULDN'T SAY I LOVED THE MAN BUT I DID RESPECT HIM. CARED FOR HIM. HE WAS MY FIRST FRIEND AFTER ALL.
MONTH AFTER MONTH I DID WHAT MY GUT INSTINCT TOLD ME TO. IT JUST WAS A STRUGGLE. FOCUSING ON SCHOOL SEEMED TO BE WHAT WAS EASIER THAN TO DEAL WITH THAN THE GROWING ANTICS OF THOSE IN MY HOUSE. I DIDN'T MUCH CARE FOR THEIR ANTICS. DID WHAT I COULD TO STOP THEM. SOME WERE AMUSING BUT I HELD THAT WITHIN. I COULDN'T JUST STAND BY AND WATCH AS SOME OF THE THINGS THEY DID, HOW HARMFUL THEY WERE EVEN IF THEY WEREN'T EXACTLY PHYSICALLY HARMFUL. SCREWING WITH THE MIND WAS JUST AS DANGEROUS AT THE BEST OF TIMES. I SUPPOSE I WASN'T QUITE AS INCLINED TO LISTEN TO THE ANTICS OF OTHERS. WHILE GIRLS FLOCKED AND DID EVERYTHING TO BE OVERLY INTRIGUED IN POTTER AND BLACK, I IGNORED THE LOT WHEN I COULD. WHICH WASN'T ALWAYS EASY GIVEN THEY DID EVERYTHING THEY COULD TO GATHER ATTENTION IN EVERY CAPACITY KNOWN TO MAN. I TRIED TO PRETEND THAT I DIDN'T NOTICE CERTAIN ANTICS, ESPECIALLY BY SIRIUS AND JAMES. PETER'S ANTICS WERE HARDLY WORTH NOTICING, MOSTLY AS HE JUST TAGGED ALONG WITH SIRIUS AND JAMES. AND REMUS WAS NO HELP IN STOPPING THEM. NOT BECAUSE HE COULDN'T BUT ONCE THOSE BOYS GOT STARTED, THERE WAS NOTHING THAT COULD BE SAID TO STOP THEM.
THE THING IS, I'M THE TYPE OF WOMAN THAT I ALWAYS TRY TO SEE THE GOOD IN OTHERS. I KNOW THERE'S JUST AS MANY THAT DON'T EASILY SHOW THEIR GOOD SIDE. EVERY TIME I THINK I HAVE THINGS FIGURED OUT, IT TENDS TO SHIFT. BEING BACK AT HOGWARTS, THE ONE THING THAT DID NOT CHANGE WAS THE ARROGANCE OF CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS. THINGS WITH SCHOOL WERE FABULOUS. THERE WERE CHALLENGING ASPECTS, AND SOME THINGS THAT FELT A BIT REPETITIVE. TRANSFIGURATION, CHARMS, POTIONS, HISTORY OF MAGIC, DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS, ASTRONOMY AND HERBOLOGY. FLYING LESSONS I HAD TAKEN LAST YEAR. FLYING OF COURSE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO TAKE NOW INTO MY SECOND YEAR. THOUGH WITH DROPPING FLYING, I TOOK CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES AND DIVINATION. I CHOSE THESE BECAUSE WELL FRANKLY I LOVED THE IDEA OF LEARNING MORE ABOUT OUR WORLD, AND THE CREATURES THAT INHABITED IT. AND DIVINATION ALTHOUGH A COMPLICATION WAS INTRIGUING IN ITS OWN WAY THOUGH HALF THE TIME I DIDN'T BELIEVE WHAT THE PROFESSOR SWEARS SHE SAW.
ALONG WITH THE FACT THAT I KEPT BUSY BOTH WITH STUDIES, AND TO MAKE TIME FOR FRIENDS, I WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING TO AVOID CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS WHICH WAS WHY I STAYED IN THE LIBRARY WHEN I WASN'T IN CLASS. THOUGH WHEN I WAS WITH SEVERUS, WE WERE OFTEN EITHER IN THE GRAND HALL, OR ON THE GROUNDS. I LIKED SITTING BY THE TREE NEAR THE BLACK LAKE, OFTEN WITH A BOOK IN HAND. I ENJOYED CERTAIN THINGS MORE SO THAN OTHERS. I HAD FRIENDS, BEING A LITTLE POPULAR NEVER HURT. MY FAVORITE CLASS WAS PERHAPS POTIONS THOUGH A CLOSE SECOND WAS TRANSFIGURATION. PROFESSOR SLUGHORN ALWAYS SAID I HAD AN APTITUDE FOR IT. I LIKED HERBOLOGY THOUGH SOMETIMES IT WAS FRUSTRATING. I EXCELLED IN DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS, BUT HISTORY OF MAGIC AND ASTRONOMY I STRUGGLED A BIT. I ALSO DID WELL IN CHARMS. THANKFULLY SO BECAUSE I WASN'T SO SURE I WOULD. DIVINATION I GOT A LITTLE BORED WITH, BUT I DID ALRIGHT. CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES OF COURSE WAS ONE THAT I ENJOYED BECAUSE I WAS CURIOUS OF THE CREATURES THERE AND DIDN'T WANT TO SEE THEM IN 'HARM'S WAY' AS IT WERE.
OF COURSE, I KNEW MY SISTER BETTER THAN ANYONE COULD, I KNEW DESPITE WHAT SEVERUS SAID, THAT SHE ALBEIT DIDN'T HAVE MAGIC THAT SHOWED ITS POTENTIAL, SHE WAS SPECIAL. SHE IS SPECIAL IN ALL THE WAYS IMAGINABLE. THE BOND THERE, WAS SOMETHING I'D NEVER BE ABLE TO REPLACE NOR WOULD I TRY. ANYONE WHOM KNOWS ME KNOWS HOW I HAVE STUDIED AS HARD AS I CAN TO MAKE MYSELF PROUD, AND TO PROVE A POINT TO MY PARENTS. THAT I DID ALL THAT I COULD IN SCHOOL, EVEN THOUGH YES IT IS A BIT MORE COMPLEX THAN I'M SURE MY MUGGLE SISTER'S EDUCATION IS. LETTERS FROM MUM AND FATHER WERE SUFFICIENT BUT NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WISHED FOR COMMUNICATION WITH MY BIG SISTER, IT NEVER HAPPENED. SHE SHUT ME OUT. WHEN ALL I WANTED WAS SOME SORT OF ANSWER. THE HAUNTING QUESTION OF WHAT IT WAS THAT I DID TO HURT HER. BECAUSE I'D NEVER ASKED FOR MAGIC TO COME INTO MY LIFE THE WAY THAT IT HAD. IF I'D HAD IT MY WAY SHE'D HAVE HAD IT TOO. MAYBE IT WAS JUST LATENT WITH HER? I GUESS I DIDN'T REALIZE THE IMPACT THAT IT CAUSED ON MY SISTER. MORE THAN IT DID TO ME.
HORACE SLUGHORN HAD A CLUB CALLED THE SLUG CLUB. HE INVITED ME TO JOIN AND I EASILY ACCEPTED. I CAN SAY THAT I SAW OTHERS IN CERTAIN WAYS. SURE, I KNEW WHAT THE DARK ARTS WERE AND THAT IT WAS IMPORTANT TO END THEM. THROUGH THE YEAR, I NOTICED THAT SEVERUS STOOD MORE FOR THOSE WHOSE GREW CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THOSE DARK ARTS. IT CAUSED A STRAIN IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP THOUGH I DIDN'T REALIZE JUST WHAT THAT WOULD ENTAIL. OF COURSE, I SAW BOTH GOOD AND BAD INSIDE OTHERS. SUCH AS MR. POTTER, THE ARROGANT TOE-RAG, SOMEONE I'D KNOWN THE TWO SIDES OF. I REALIZED THAT MR. POTTER WAS ONE TO BE LOYAL TO HIS FRIENDS, WHICH WAS THE ONLY ASPECT THAT I COULD RESPECT. HIS BULLYING AND PRANKING ON THE OTHER HAND, WAS SOMETHING I DISLIKED GREATLY.
I WAS ALWAYS WILLING TO HELP. TALENTED THOUGH I MIGHT HAVE BEEN, I DIDN'T BOAST ABOUT IT. I CHOSE TO STUDY, TO DO THE RIGHT THING. BUT I WASN'T KEEN ON JUST STANDING DOWN WHEN SOMEONE WAS BEING BULLIED, WHICH WAS WHAT GOT ME TOE TO TOE WITH MR. POTTER AND COMPANY ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION. I COULD BE CONSIDERED VIVACIOUS, STUNNING, BUT ALSO HAD A SHARP TONGUE AND NOT AFRAID TO USE IT.
THROUGHOUT THE YEAR IT SEEMED I WAS TESTED IN EVERY WAY HUMANLY POSSIBLE. BOTH IN THE WAY THAT THINGS WERE AT HOME, AND BEING UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, TO EVERYTHING GOING ON IN THE WALLS OF HOGWARTS. IT APPEARED THAT EVEN AS I DID THE BEST I COULD IN STUDIES THAT THERE WERE MORE THINGS I COULD DO. I WANTED TO HELP. TO DO THE RIGHT THING EVEN IF IT WASN'T ALWAYS SO EASY. AS FAST AS THE FIRST YEAR WENT, SECOND YEAR SEEMED TO GO BY EVEN FASTER. RETURNING HOME THAT SUMMER, IT WAS EASY ENOUGH TO DIS-CERTAIN THAT THINGS BETWEEN MY SISTER AND I, WERE NON EXISTENT. IN FACT ALMOST DURING THAT ENTIRE TIME SHE WAS GONE UNTIL BED TIME AT ONE FRIEND'S OR ANOTHER'S. EITHER THAT OR SHE LEFT THE HOUSE JUST 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE ME. I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT IT WAS BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE WITH FRIENDS. BUT, EVEN THAT STILL WAS HURTFUL. ONE WOULD THINK THAT SHE'D AT LEAST TRY TO TALK TO ME. BUT NO, I WAS A STAIN ON THE RELATIONSHIP. MY MEMORIES HAUNT ME. MOSTLY BECAUSE I KNOW HOW GOOD IT ONCE WAS WITH HER. I NEVER WANT TO LOSE THAT, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT PHYSICALLY SPEAKING I ALREADY HAVE. BUT AS LONG AS I HAVE THOSE MEMORIES, I'VE PROMISED MYSELF IT'LL BE OKAY THAT THERE'S A CHANCE MY LOVING SISTER MIGHT COME BACK.
I'VE TRUSTED MY INSTINCTS AND THEY'VE NEVER LET ME ASTRAY YET. BUT AS THE END OF SECOND YEAR HAD COME TO ITS END AND THE FACT I WAS ONCE AGAIN HOME, I WAS OVERJOYED AT SEEING MY MOTHER AND FATHER. THOUGH, TRUTH BE TOLD IT WAS DIFFICULT GIVEN THE FACT THAT MY PARENTS ENDED UP HAVING TO DIVIDE AND CONQUER. FATHER TOOK ME, AND MY MOM TOOK TUNEY. WHEN THEY EACH HAD GIVEN ATTENTION TO EACH OF US, THEY'D SWITCH SINCE IT WAS CLEAR THAT MY SISTER AND I COULDN'T BE IN THE SAME ROOM FOR MORE THAN TWO MINUTES WITHOUT WHAT SEEMED LIKE WORLD WAR THREE STARTING. ALL SUMMER IT SEEMED TO STAY THAT WAY, WHICH WAS DISTRESSING TO SAY THE LEAST. WHEN I DID LEAVE THE HOUSE, I ALWAYS FOUND MYSELF GOING TO THE SAME PARK THAT SEVERUS AND I MET UP AT. HE WAS ALWAYS INVITED TO OUR HOUSE BUT, I WAS NEVER INVITED TO HIS. AGAIN A LITTLE HURTFUL BUT UNDERSTANDABLE. I FIGURED IT WAS JUST BECAUSE HIS PARENTS WEREN'T KEEN ON GUESTS.
I COULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT AS I HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH OVER THE SUMMER. TRUE IT WAS TOLD TO ALL THAT MAGIC COULDN'T BE USED IN THE CORRIDORS BETWEEN CLASSES, OR AT HOME OVER THE HOLIDAYS. BUT I KNEW, THAT IT WAS OKAY TO STUDY SO LONG AS NO ACTUAL WAND WORK WAS DONE. SO AT NIGHT, AFTER MY DOOR WAS SHUT I'D SIT UP AND READ UNTIL I GREW TOO WEARY AND WOULD TURN THE LIGHTS OUT. MY TRUNK WAS ALWAYS PACKED AND STORED AWAY CORRECTLY. OF COURSE, I'D GOTTEN A PERMISSION SLIP TO GO TO HOGSMEADE FOR THIRD YEAR. MUM AND FATHER READ IT OVER, THOUGH DIDN'T SIGN IT UNTIL THE LAST DAY THAT I WAS HOME. SAYING GOODBYE TO THEM WAS HARD. I WENT TO KING'S CROSS ALONE THAT YEAR AS I TOLD THEM I'D LIKE THEM TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH TUNEY AS SHE NEEDED IT EVEN IF SHE WOULDN'T DARE SAY SO.
RETURNING TO HOGWARTS AT THIRTEEN, IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED JUST HOW DIFFERENT THINGS WERE. I WAS CHANGING, SO WAS EVERYONE ELSE. I DID WHAT I NATURALLY KNEW HOW TO, ACCLIMATED MYSELF TO THE BOOKS, TO WHAT CAME EASY. NOT WHAT WAS A BIT HARDER. MAKING FRIENDS WASN'T DIFFICULT BY ANY MEANS BUT, SOME WERE PAIRING OFF IN AN OBVIOUS "COUPLING" SITUATION. I DIDN'T CARE TO SPEND TIME ON THAT NONSENSE. I CHOSE TO DO WHAT I HAD TO. TO STAND BY WHAT I BELIEVED IN, EVEN IF IT MEANT STANDING ALONE.
I MISSED HOME. THE LETTERS I RECEIVED DIDN'T HELP THE SITUATION. FATHER GREW QUITE WEARY, EVEN IF I COULDN'T SEE IT, I COULD TELL JUST ON HOW HE WROTE HIS LETTERS. MOTHER FARED NO BETTER. TIMES WERE HARD, I KNEW THAT. IT WAS WHY I DIDN'T ASK FOR MUCH DURING THE HOLIDAYS. I WANTED THEM TO SPEND MONEY ON WHAT WAS NEEDED, THE KIND OF STUFF THAT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL ALL YEAR ROUND INSTEAD OF JUST FOR A FEW SIMPLE MONTHS. TUNEY OF COURSE DIDN'T SEE IT THAT WAY, SO SHE ALWAYS GOT SOMETHING THAT SHE WANTED. MUM AND FATHER WOULDN'T LET ME GO WITHOUT THOUGH. THE GIFTS I'D GET WERE SIMPLE THINGS, LIKE BLANKETS WITH MY INITIALS CROCHETED IN, OR BOOKS THAT WEREN'T OVERLY EXPENSIVE. I'D ALWAYS HAD A LOVE OF READING AND THAT DIDN'T CHANGE. EVEN IF A LITTLE BIT OF WHAT I FELT ABOUT THE WORLD I WAS IN, CAUSED ME TO READ THINGS THAT WERE SORT OF SIMILAR. NOT LIKE THE REAL WORLD HISTORY BOOKS.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I WENT TO HOGSMEADE, HOW IT BOOMED WITH EXCITEMENT. THE VARIOUS INDIVIDUALS COMING AND GOING OUT OF THE SHOPS. CURIOSITY PIQUED AS I FOUND MYSELF TRAVELING BETWEEN ZONKO'S, JUST TRYING TO GET A FEEL OF WHAT I MIGHT BE UP AGAINST, KNOWING THIS WAS THE SORT OF PLACE POTTER AND HIS GANG WOULD USE TO PRANK UNSUSPECTING SOULS. TO PLACES LIKE THE THREE BROOMSTICKS, WHICH I ADORED THE BUTTER-BEER. THE TASTE OF IT, I CAN'T REALLY DESCRIBE ACCURATELY. JUST THAT IT WAS REMARKABLE. AFTER A TRIP THERE, I WENT TO HONEYDUKES, WHERE I BOUGHT A FEW TREATS. NOT MUCH BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF MONEY TO SPEND BUT I WANTED TO GIVE IT A TRY. THOUGH WHAT WAS ALSO PARTICULARLY DELIGHTFUL WAS GOING TO MAESTRO'S MUSIC SHOP.
Conversations with Severus upon my return back to the castle grew more tense. We had many a conversation regarding light and dark magic. I knew he was inclined to follow the dark, something I highly disagreed with. I knew what his "friends" in that house would like to have done. What they had done, and what they were willing to do.
Honestly, as tense as my relationship was with Severus, I was grateful for the less dramatics of my other friends' lives. I could befriend almost anyone, but I wouldn't tolerate the bullying antics that came from Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew and occasionally seeing Mr. Lupin with them. I couldn't do anything about that. Sure, I could scold them but I didn't have any power over them or the situation.
I had always been responsible, being negligent in anything was well scary. Plus I had goals to work towards, and no greater goal than being a prefect and eventually head girl. With magic, everything comes at a price. Whether it's a price worth paying, is another story. For me, as I continued my magical education, some things....stood out, some things did not. Either way nothing was going to stop me from living life to the fullest. As fourth year approached, I felt more apprehensive. I couldn't help it. Given the fact that mainly between classes and worrying about home, I was losing my friend and I knew it. Severus was growing closer and closer to that pack of rats in Slytherin.
Each morning I would wake up and go down to the great hall, after getting ready. It was the same thing, the same pattern. Some might call it repetitive, but I wouldn't change it for the world. This year I didn't receive near as many letters from home, but I took into account that they were busy. Father had started a new job and although it didn't get pay very well, it kept him busy in the lawyer's office. And Mother, although she was one to stay home she had worked as a seamstress to those women in our quaint little area of Cokesworth, whom needed things mended. It was true that it didn't pay that much either but we were "well off" compared to some of the other nearby areas. Both of my parents refused to just sit by and take disappointment without as father said, grabbing it by the horns. That if you want anything you can't just hope for it, you have to work hard to achieve it. It wasn't to say that I didn't get letters at all. One could see when my parents were in good spirits and when they were a little sad. There was more than one occasion in which one could see tear stains on the parchment.
Anything that came easy, was it really worth fighting for? It got me to thinking, if the muggles know places like Hogwarts existed, what would they really do? What could they do? They wouldn't have a chance against wizards, even with all their weaponry. I knew my parents would have loved to visit, but couldn't for obvious reasons. And Tuney, well I lost hope in believing that she still cared even a fraction of a bit. After all, she didn't speak to me. Wouldn't go so far as to look at me. Would slam her bedroom door whenever we were sent to bed. It was clear she hated me. What was I to do? Say sorry that I got picked for being blessed with magic, and not you? I couldn't. Even if I wanted to, it wouldn't make a bit of difference.
The older I got, at fourteen, I realized that the arrogance never changed. Mr. Potter was more difficult than ever. Always trying to get my attention and I knew why. It wasn't hard to guess after all. Unlike most in my house--and in the other three, I never fawned over him. He wasn't that special. While it was nice being in Hogwarts, and the safety of the castle, rumors did spread. It was evident that dark forces were brewing. I was no fool. It seemed like I was alone in certain thoughts. I'd always believed that my bond with Severus would stand the test of time. Though it seemed to be that even that relationship was becoming strained. He was more interested in potions and the dark arts to be hanging out with me. A "filthy little mudblood" as I'd heard more than once from other Slytherins. Did that hurt when I was called such names? Yes. Though it would be devastating if I were to ever hear something like that from the one person I trusted most of all, Severus.
I wanted to throw caution to the wind, because I cared for Severus. Because I cared for our friendship. My instincts were to help, to heal. Not to tear down and destroy. It was true, I'd seen acts of devastation. Of things--of muggles being thrown around like garbage. Hogwarts was supposed to be like a second home. I liked to think of it in such a way, but I knew many others didn't quite see it that way. Dark and Dangerous times lay ahead, I knew that now. The Professors all tried to keep up the brave face, but I wasn't stupid. I read--I saw how worried others were.
It was so strange, to be honest. My whole world was shifting. I couldn't be so sure what was happening. Sure, I might have been a studious individual but even I noticed changes in myself and in others, in the physical aspect. Some attitudes changed, and some also got much worse. Everything had changed and yet it hadn't all the same. I saw as many had found their 'partners' in dating. I didn't much care for the thing. I mean what was the point? To witness heartbreak? Sure I'd thought about it, but the more I thought about it, the more I had to follow what I'd always known. And that that, often led to trouble. But that, did not stop Mr. Potter trying to gain my attention. And to do that, he often went to his old tactics, all the pranks. Focusing on garnishing my attention by pranking one individual in particular. Severus. Thinking that if he did so, that I'd step in and stop it. Which, he was right, I would. And I always will.
Yet, I was open to the possibilities, of anything and everything. I knew that I'd worked hard. Accomplished more than what even I dreamed of being able to do so. I'd received incredible marks in each of my classes, sure there were some that I'd struggled with that weren't so great but that didn't stop me from trying. Though truth be told, it wasn't always easy. There were times where it hurt so much, in helping Severus. It wasn't his words that haunted me, but those of his classmates...the ones from his house that spoke unspeakable acts of violence. I didn't understand how he could see the point in being around them when he didn't have to be. But I couldn't only focus on my relationship with him, because there were other important matters. O.W.L.'S. would be coming in my fifth year and also, there was also the fact that I was hoping to make Prefect. Because that was the first step on the next part of my journey to hopefully be head-girl. Part of me wanted to let go of what was holding me back, but how could I?
The summer came once more, and while I returned back to Cokesworth, something just felt off. I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. It could have been any number of things. From the malcontent I'd seen down the road, to Severus keeping his distance, and even in my own household. Things just didn't feel right and I couldn't pinpoint why. None of it made a lick of sense. I did what I had to do. I worked hard, and persevered even when times got rough. Towards the end of that summer I received word of something I never could have seen coming.
At the end of fourth year, during that summer when I was about to start fifth year, I was cordially invited to become a Prefect. But it wasn't just the heightened responsibility as I entered into my fifth year. New challenges I'd face this year and for the next two. I was nervous. It wasn't that I didn't handle challenges well as I did, but...this was new. I now had to uphold the rules not that I didn't already. But it was different, because I'd have to make sure others, including Mr. Potter and company followed them. They'd never listened to me before, so why would they now?
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