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Post by Nymphadora Tonks on Oct 12, 2018 17:05:14 GMT
[ Continued from here...] Tonks settled down next to him, close enough that, as she shifted to get comfortable, her shoulder brushed against him. She didn't dare speak yet, just sat there a few minutes, knees pulled up to her chest, crossed at the ankles, her arms flopped lazily over them. She resisted the urge to touch him, to bring him comfort with touch, even though she desperately wanted to. Everything seemed so tactless... so when he finally spoke, she jolted slightly. "S-shouldn't be friends?" she repeated, staring at him, mouth agape. "N-now that's quite harsh on yourself, isn't it?" She chewed on her bottom lip, frowning. She wasn't sure why her boggart showed what it was. It just seemed so out of the blue. Sure, werewolves were... misunderstood. Fenrir did terrible things, but that boggart had been really unfair. Humph. "It's funny though," she says, looking at him. "You think it's your decision who I want to be friends with. Cute, even. You'll have to try harder than that. Look, I don't know what was up with that boggart--but it was rather ruthless, to all of us. I'm not going to push the issue though--I just wanted to let you know, regardless, I still want to be your friend.
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Severely Crushing
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Post by Remus J. Lupin on Oct 13, 2018 7:23:25 GMT
There was just so much wrong – there was so much going on right now and it was all shit. He hated it. She hated things like him. Scared of them. And here he was pining over her. He thought he could pretend that everything was going to be alright, but it wasn't. He was still a monster and he couldn't have a normal life because of it. He hugged his knees tightly to his chest, face hidden. Even with her words of encouragement that said that she still cared about him, he couldn't help but think that she would hate him the instant she found out.
With a thick swallow he looked over at her, the pain in his chest growing slightly as he looked at her. It longed for her – wanting to stretch out and be with her, but alas he couldn't let it happen. He had to tell his heart to shut up. It was for her own safety to stay away from him.
"I don't think its my decision who you want to be friends with – b-but I don't think you should. I-It's just – advice," He shook his head quickly looking away from her again, not wanting to see her hurt or anything like that. Despite that being exactly what he was attempting to do in order to get her to stop trying to be friends or more with him to protect her. "I'm not someone who is afraid of things that wouldn't happen. I'm a practical person. If I continue trying to be a normal person, I'll only hurt those who I care about – that's what that boggart was showing me. That fear. That fear that is completely and totally possible. You just don't understand. How could you understand?"
He looked back at her, tears in the corners of his eyes. "You're amazing. After that day under the cloak, I just sat in a hall, staring and thinking about how amazing you were, how amazing that – that felt. But its just not meant to be, alright? I can't have that. Even if I wanted it. Because in the end I'd end up hurting you. It's just that simple."
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Post by Nymphadora Tonks on Oct 13, 2018 13:43:59 GMT
"Well, I'll take note of the advice, but I'll make that decision when it comes to it."
She looked at him, as he talked. She was trying to put together the pieces, with the clues that she had. It was... it was obvious he felt something for her. That much was true, with what the boggart showed him. She was confused as to why her boggart had been what it had been. She didn't remember having a fear of werewolves; hell, she'd never even met one.
She wasn't hurt or put off. She didn't understand what was causing him to push her away, but it had to be something serious. Something was nagging at her though.
"Why is it, that you try to distance yourself from it, but your sister seems to seek it? To make those connections?"
She had been watching the two, for the last couple of years. How close they were. How they seem to share a secret. A secret her cousin knew. And then her boggart. She had a feeling that all of this was leading her to something.
When he looked at her, tears in his eyes she threw her arms around him, pulling him to her. Comforting. She couldn't hold back her want to comfort.
"I don't understand. You're right. But if you give me a chance to do so... I can try."
He was trying to push her out the door she just walked into, and... she wasn't going to have it. Whatever... whatever that barrier was that between them, she would prove to him that it didn't matter. She didn't care.
"Look, Remus, I know what you're saying. But... no offence, I'm not giving up. I don't understand why you're pushing me away, why you think it's for my own good... but... I don't want to be pushed away."
She still hadn't released him yet.
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Post by Remus J. Lupin on Oct 13, 2018 23:18:14 GMT
It was curious – how his sister and he were so different and yet the same. The hug was warm, and he didn't have the strength to pull away even while his mind was screaming at him to pull away, lest he 'lead her on'. When he was with his sister, he felt safe – she knew everything – apparently more of everything than he thought – that he could just be normal with her because she too shared his curse. But he didn't know of anyone else who shared it. No one else at all. They were alone. Him and Rose against the world. But his friends – they were fantastic too. He found the three people who would accept him in a world of hate. Somehow, he had found them – and they forced their way into his heart.
He shook in her hold, trying not to let the tears progress any further. He was a Gryffindor. He shouldn't have run out like that. He made such a fool of himself. Everyone else succeeded while he couldn't. How could he expect to fight against You-Know-Who when he was a coward who ran away from something as simple as a Boggart?
"I don't want to push you away. I need to push you away. I-I'm so sorry," His voice was hoarse, and it came out as more of a croak than anything else. He buried his face into her shoulder, the tears wiping off onto her blouse, though no more came forth to wet her shirt. "R-Rose and I might be twins – we might be a lot alike, but we don't have exactly the same experiences – and – and – I don't think if you – you really get to know me you'll think the same. I-It's just easier this way. I-I really like you, but I don't want to h-hurt you o-or see you hate me one day."
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Post by Nymphadora Tonks on Oct 13, 2018 23:33:05 GMT
When he buries his face into her shoulder, she holds him tighter, hand threading through his hair, pressing her lips to his temple. She didn't even think while she was doing this, it was just... all instinctual. This didn't surprise her, but it brought an interesting thought to her mind. Why was this so second nature to her? Already?
"The two of you may not have the same experiences... but I think, like her, you want it just as well. And I really wish you'd stop thinking the worst of me. Let me be the judge of that. We don't know what the future will bring, Remus."
She took a breath, "I... I want to earn your trust, Remus."
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Post by Remus J. Lupin on Oct 14, 2018 1:34:52 GMT
Tonks might realize Remus had his wand in his hand. And he whispered something incredibly quietly. Wonder… what it could be? Surely, he didn't just stick her bum to the floor so the instant she tried to get up, she'd be stuck it. Not at all. Never ever!
"It's not… me not trusting you. It's a matter of not trusting me." He sniffed, pulling out of the embrace for a moment. "You shouldn't trust me. There's a lot you don't know about me." Like how I totally just stuck you to the ground. Because that joke never got old. Or he was like an old idiot who thought things that were funny once were always funny. Though, to be fair, he had a good sense of humor, this was just one of those things he went back to all the time that wasn't necessarily funny.
He pulled a candy out of his pocket. "Candy?" Unlike one might expect, it wouldn't do anything to her, it was just a candy. He just wanted to see if she suspected anything was running afoul.
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Post by Nymphadora Tonks on Oct 14, 2018 1:47:24 GMT
He pulled away from her... And had an odd twinkle about his eye which, honestly, if she new better, she might think he was up to something.
Which, technically he was.
She sighed, "well, there's only one way to fix that, you know. We learn aboit each other."
A roll of her eyes as she looked at the candy. Surely her brain was working properly right? Accepting sweets from a Marauder?
"Sure?" Well, nix that. Tonks took the proffered candy, smiling.
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Post by Remus J. Lupin on Oct 14, 2018 2:26:55 GMT
There was a small sad smile the crept up on his face. "The only problem with that – learning about each other that is – is that – that you'll learn to hate me. It's so much easier to go about things knowing that you don't hate me." He was afraid of being hated, of his secret coming out and being shunned from society as a whole. Even if he had no friends, he could at least relish in being around people. He didn't have to be alone or have people staring at him and running and screaming as soon as they saw him because they knew what he was.
The candy was a nice caramel flavor, muggle candy even. He had it since he got back to Hogwarts, so it wasn't that old, especially since it was, you know, a hard candy. "It matches you. It's sweet. Though you might be sweeter."
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Post by Nymphadora Tonks on Oct 14, 2018 2:44:22 GMT
"Sometimes easier isn't always the best option, you know."
At his words, she frowned, her hair darkening to a more sober shade of pink. A tinge of blue. Was purple a sad color? She, however, dropped the issue at hand. It seemed to talk about it wasn't doing the trick, so she had to put it into action. She looked down at the candy in her hand and then back to Remus, a smile forming on her lips, she giggled softly.
"Charmer."
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Post by Remus J. Lupin on Oct 14, 2018 3:09:57 GMT
There was something about the color of her hair that made him a bit sadder. He wasn't sure why – it was still a vibrant color, just not quite as bright as before. He didn't know what was wrong with him – there was so much wrong with him, but even still… He leaned against her, with a small sigh, head against her shoulder, leaning slightly over it.
"Is it charming if it’s the truth?" Yes, it is, Remus. And you know it. He swallowed slightly, looking at the wall in front of them. "There's so much darkness in this world, but somehow you've managed to bring in a bit more… light to combat it. I mean, I have Sirius, James, and Peter… but it's not the same. For a bit there, I did like them like I like you, but it was just something… fleeting. They're all amazing friend, but there could never be anything… more between us. But with you? It's almost like… I can feel the hope of a future with you. That's really the scariest thing about it."
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Post by Nymphadora Tonks on Oct 14, 2018 3:52:43 GMT
She giggles, "of course it's charming even when it's the truth. In fact, that probably makes it all the more charming."
She relaxed as he leaned against her, and she brought her arm around his shoulders, "w-well, you know what they say. 'Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.'" She couldn't remember where she heard that from, but it seemed appropriate at this time.
She sighed softly, resting her head against his. "If... if you can feel that hope... why not keep chasing after it? Stay with me Remus. Stay with me... and we'll be scared together."
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Post by Remus J. Lupin on Oct 16, 2018 6:16:37 GMT
Remus snorted slightly. "Now you're starting to sound like Dumbledore." However, this was serious, and Remus knew he needed to be serious. Not Sirius, because being Sirius would probably not be the best course of action at this junction. He cleared his throat, his face turning slightly red from his outburst.
He was incredibly frightened, and humor was just a way he tried to help lighten himself up a bit – and he was sure she didn't mind. Otherwise she wouldn't have gone for him, a member of a group of Gryffindors notorious for their pranks. He lifted one of her hands to his lips and kissed the back of it softly, lingering slightly on her smooth skin.
"Alright." Just a simple little word – and he knew how powerful it was – even a denial would change his whole life. This was one of those important moments in his life where no matter what he did, it would change forever. He decided he wanted to at least try. He wanted to be brave and face the fear of her hating him. Even… despite that boggart of hers.
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Post by Nymphadora Tonks on Oct 17, 2018 0:47:26 GMT
"Oh, is that where that's from?" her brow furrowed, she honestly couldn't remember where that line had come from, but Remus was right. It really did sound like something the headmaster would say. A sigh.
She smiled as he kissed her hand, a slight shiver running down her spine at it, and she didn't make to remove that hand from his. She dropped a kiss to his hair, then his temple. "I... don't know what it is. But, something just tells me everything will be okay, Remus."
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Post by Remus J. Lupin on Oct 17, 2018 23:13:34 GMT
Everything will be okay. Hm. He hadn't ever… thought that before. Even if he was just repeating what she said in his mind, it honestly felt a little weird. To actually think things could ever be okay. But being with her here? It made him feel… happy. It actually felt like she was telling the truth when she said it. Maybe he could just be normal. Have a life like everyone else. Maybe his dad was wrong…
"I – I would like nothing more than to just be okay." When was the last time he had truly been okay? "I really want to be okay. But… I think I'll be okay if I have you."
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Post by Nymphadora Tonks on Oct 18, 2018 0:12:38 GMT
"We'll work towards that then and I will be here for you, every step of the way without fail. You can trust me."
At least she hoped, she wanted to gain that trust, gain his trust.
"I'll be here as long as you'll have me, Remus. This I promise you, truly."
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